Mom, can I talk to you?” my 8 year old quietly said, entering my bedroom. The tone she used said "close your book and ignore that I'm supposed to be brushing my teeth."
“Ever since the dentist said I have crooked teeth I haven’t liked my smile.” My heart sank a little. The closed mouth smile she’d been trying to perfect recently made sense.
As I do with my clients, I began to really tune in, knowing that this was a pivotal moment for her. “Really? Will you tell me about it?” And she did.
I listened, knowing deeply what it’s like to be a child criticized for your appearance, and how significantly that can impact feelings of value and worth.
I hugged her. I let her know all the things I appreciate about her, and that I love her current smile, because it’s her.
As she ran out of the room my husband heard us, and said, “little one, I love your smile.”
It stinks friends, this water we all swim in each day. People who say things based on appearances without even thinking about it. A simple sentence that stays in the heart of a person & damages their self image, their ability to like or accept who they are.
Sometimes there’s a true structural issue to be fixed, like moving teeth to let others grow in. But these judgements are so often fed by a culture of marketing that only profits if you think there’s something wrong with you.
Could they sell you anything, cellulite cream for example, if you didn’t believe there was a problem with cellulite? Marketers have worked hard to help you believe it’s a problem.
Money, so much of it is money driven, and it’s damaging to peace with our bodies, and our food, and our children’s view of themselves.
It hurts, makes me angry, and brings up in me a warrior that normally is quiet.
I will be a fierce warrior for my child, my clients, and anyone who is being criticized in the name of things that have very little to do with the special person they are. The part that returns to dust in the end.
You might be one of them, or have been one. Someone who judges based on things that in reality have little value. Maybe that’s still you. I hope you know there’s a different way.
Unlearning is a huge part of the process to both food & body peace. Unlearning takes time.
About 10 minutes later my child returned, smiling big, and said, “I like my smile again.” This, my friends, is what support can do when things have hurt us. This is what can happen with food & body image struggles when you find support that is helpful.
This is why, in my view, support is essential.
Who can you share your crooked smile stories with? The ones that you hold deep in your heart, and haven’t told a soul? A trusted friend, your significant other, a clinician such as myself or your therapist? Or, maybe you journal & writing heals your wounds.
These stories need to come out, to be brought to the light, to be healed so they stop rattling around inside of you, distracting you from living the life you’re meant to live.
Sometimes my clients tell me I’m the only person they can talk to about food and body image struggles, or they only have their therapist and a friend who understands.
This is a problem & a reason I’m working towards starting a group for those struggling with food, which is often brought on by body image struggles. It’ll be a place we unlearn the harmful messages about food & body our culture gives, and replace them with acceptance, kindness, authenticity.
Do you need a food peace tribe? Reach out - Sunrise Nutrition Consulting LLC is here to help.